Love is Performance & the Cameras are Rolling

From the orange peel theory to loyalty tests, VAGUE Resident Tola ponders why modern romance has turned into a series of small performances: staged, edited and published for public review.

Once upon a time, putting your relationship on the internet was just that: a collage here, a wall of text on Facebook there, and for others, a “How well do we know each other?” video on YouTube. But it seems that in more recent years, a large portion of the relationship-oriented content we’re used to seeing — and I use the term ‘content’ loosely — has shifted into what could easily be described as performative.

Every so often, whilst indulging in my daily TikTok doom scroll, I’ll come across a video in which the wife, fiance, or girlfriend is primarily the one filming themselves making a seemingly innocent request of their partner or asking a mundane question. While some of these videos were admittedly sweet, others confused me as to who the post was really for.

For example, a trend known fondly as the ‘orange peel theory’ started making the rounds back in 2024: one would ask their significant other to peel an orange for them, and their response would indicate how healthy the relationship is. If they were happy to peel the orange or didn’t complain, that was regarded as a good sign; the opposite however, would apparently be considered a red flag and suggested their partner was either inconsiderate, or had issues with being asked small favours. And maybe this is true; perhaps it does highlight the characteristics of a person that may not be obvious, but shouldn’t one know their partner well enough to make that discernment?

“While some of these videos were admittedly sweet, others confused me as to who the post was really for.”

On one hand, it’s easy to dismiss this type of content as harmless, something done out of genuine curiosity; but on the other, there’s the theory that perhaps people are getting a bit too comfortable testing their partners.

The idea of testing your significant other is a long-debated topic, oscillating between being disingenuous and a form of manipulation, or a necessary evil that helps you make an informed choice about the person you are with. But what makes this different from intentionally ‘forgetting’ your purse on a date is that, in addition to being forced into an decision point, they’re being subjected to the court of social media without their knowledge. Why would you want to put your partner in a position where thousands of strangers are opining on their character and they are unable to defend themselves, whether they pass or not? And with social media being the place it is, you wouldn’t have to scroll for too long in the comments to find someone taking up the role of a relationship expert, campaigning for one party to leave or maybe just comparing their own relationship to what they’re seeing. 

Romantic relationships require trust and the belief that the other person is acting in good faith. Therefore, there is no reason to test or scrutinise every aspect of your relationship. Is it naive to think that your partner is asking you to peel an orange for them just for the sake of asking, and not under the guise of determining whether or not they are important to you? In all honesty, if it were me, I would feel a little hurt that the person I made an active choice to be with was using me in such a way, and having it published on the internet for all to see would only rub salt in the wound.

Even as a chronically single person, I understand wanting the reassurance from your partner that they will do the smallest, most basic of tasks for you, even if you are capable of doing them yourself. But the gripe here is, should you not already know that that is the type of person your partner is, or if that’s not the case, why must it take an arbitrary test to make you realise that maybe this person isn’t meeting your needs?

Now most of these videos are genuinely sweet, and you can see in how their partners respond that they truly care for and are considerate of them — well, at least from what we can gleam from a 30-second video. But there are a few instances where the partners simply don’t care, either laughing it off and mocking her or outright refusing. And this is where things become even more alarming.

While I can empathise with those women, the concept of watching it back and seeing how your shoulders drop, hearing the irritation or dismissal in your partner's voice, and still making it available for all to see will never make sense to me. This is probably why these kinds of videos are few and far between; virtually no one is brave (or stupid) enough to post what is a borderline humiliating moment online. But what’s saddening is when, after posting said humiliation online and reviewing the comments, a follow-up video is published, typically a day or two later, featuring our newly famous auteur now trying to defend her relationship, making excuses for her significant other’s behaviour — usually followed by a few more explainers as if trying to prove that her partner isn’t that bad.

More and more, are we seeing content where women are being humiliated by their partners and playing it off as a silly little inside joke in an attempt to normalise it. Not too long ago, a woman on TikTok was making videos about what her husband packed in her lunch box for work. Something that, on the surface, was nothing short of a considerate and loving gesture, but in reality, he was packing her dog food. She may have been laughing about it; no one in her comments was. Yet she insisted on doubling down, trying to convince the viewers — and maybe even herself — that her husband didn’t hate her.

“More and more, are we seeing content where women are being humiliated by their partners and playing it off as a silly little inside joke in an attempt to normalise it.”

So again, I question who this type of content is for because it most certainly is not aspirational; instead, it airs on the side of “I am in deep denial of the true nature of my relationship.”

When it comes to social media and the context in which content regarding relationships exists, it can be hard to view it as completely authentic. The moment someone presses the record button, it is no longer as innocent as what was intended and has now been distorted into something that is purely ego-driven, whether consciously or subconsciously.

credits

words — tola folarin coker

design — karina so.