Don’t Leave Your Parents Behind

Abhishek considers the power of nurturing relationships with your guardians as you grow into your own

Note from Editor: this article is written from the perspective of an individual who has a healthy relationship with both of his parents and has been fortunate enough to build that relationship as he’s grown. As a result, parts of this article may come off biased but the writer is aware that being as close and loving with your parents as possible is not necessarily a luxury that is available to all. Sometimes, we love them. Sometimes, we hate them. Nevertheless, it’s a tough case to argue that our parents are the few select beings in this world of 7.9 billion, and growing, who know us inside out (yes, even better than our spouse); from the day we are born to the day they leave the Earth themselves.

It may not be the case for all but ask our parents about any moment in our lives, big or small, and they will be able to not only remember it but describe it in such vivid detail that you will be embarrassed by it all and sorry you asked. Sometimes, you don’t even need to give them a cue to share the most unnecessary, yet often hilarious stories of your childhood with your close friends, relatives or even your spouse. 

But can you blame them? After all, they’ve had the front-row seats to the movie that is your life since day one – your birth, your first word, your first walk, your first bike ride (and fall), your first time going to school, college, university, your first crush, date, relationship, your first love, your first job and house – the list goes on.

The point is they were around for all your firsts, they picked you up when you were down and celebrated with you on your highs, they know your life well enough to write a biography about you…but what if the roles were reversed, could you do the same for them?

Could you remember every detail about them?

Could you note down their firsts? 

Could you, right this second, name the place where they were born? Where did they go to school? Where and what did they study at university? What was their first job? How did they meet each other? What was their love story? How did they feel when they experienced your firsts?

Could you tell me now just how well you know your creators, your makers, your manufacturers aka your parents?

Let me be honest and admit that I definitely could not. What I can do, however, is paint a picture of why it’s so important for us to strongly hold onto this deeply rooted, intimate and lifelong connection we share with our parents, because if you truly want to understand who your parents are, where they come from and what their stories are, you need to start doing so now.

Here’s why.

In the Theory of Everything, the 2014 biographical romantic, Eddie Redmayne, who plays the renowned scientist Stephen Hawking, famously ends the movie while looking at his kids’, gesturing towards Jane, using his speech-generating device to deliver the last piece of dialog: “Look what we made”. It’s one of the most powerful and heart-felt scenes of the movie, and one I’m sure will stay etched in the memories of those who watch it for a long time to come. Granted not every parent may take as much pride in their kin as Hawking is portrayed to have for his, the message delivered is clear cut: our parents are literally our creators, without them we would never have existed.

“...our parents are literally our creators, without them we would never have existed.”

Yet why is it that almost as soon as we grow out of wetting our beds and hit those teenage years, we start shutting our parents out instead of letting them in? Why do we feel embarrassed of them when the truth is, we literally owe our lives to them? Why is it we never take a step back and try envisioning life through their perspectives until, more often than not, it’s too late? The most important question of all: why is it that we take our time with them for granted, and spend it so focused on growing up and creating our own experiences, that we fail to understand their lives, their ambitions and their stories altogether?

Imagine if Hawking, or any other physicist, mathematician or scientist for that matter, were to put a pin in solving the mysteries of our universe and focus their minds entirely on calculating how much of our overall human life is spent doing the regular daily tasks such as sleeping, playing, bathing, working, eating, drinking, cooking, sitting, browsing social media, doing chores, and of course, spending time with friends and family. What do you think their results would reveal?

Now, I’m neither a renowned scientist nor a genius mathematician, but I believe I don’t have to be either to confidently say that spending time with friends and family would rank the lowest.

You don’t have to take my word for it though. Trusted data gathered by experts in the field of understanding the complex nature of our social connections shows that on average, we spend only about the first 20 years of our life with our parents and, if you’re fortunate enough to have them, siblings. Combine this research with the viral YouTube video of 2013, by Ze Frank, where the time we have left on this Earth is envisaged in the form of jellybeans (spoiler alert: your life equates to ~28,000 jellybeans), and our ability to condense all the days in a 90-year human life into a single sheet of paper, and it really begs the question – just how many more days, hours, minutes and seconds do we have left to relish and cherish our parents? 

Let’s break it down. (warning: maths incoming)

If we take the average age by which most of us “leave the nest” and start living on our own for the first time (albeit in university halls) to be 18, the number of days spent with our parents, growing under the roofs they work hard to provide us, bathing in the showers of their unconditional love and free home cooked food, and utilising the financial safety net they offer to pursue the education and career we desire, equates to about 5,900; that converts to 141,600 hours, and 509,760,000 seconds.

Post-university, we succumb to the forces of social norms set by multiple generations to make ourselves deem adult enough and “grow up”, be independent and live our own lives. Translation: spend the next 25-30 years of our life building a career, buying a property, meeting and (hopefully) marrying your significant other, creating our own mini-mes’, and eventually, retiring. That’s about 10,950 days, 262,800 hours, and 946,708,560 seconds.

Over the course of that time period where we are living ‘our own’ lives, say we meet our parents on the main holidays of the year (New Year’s, Easter, Christmas, Thanksgiving etc.) – on average, that’s about 10 per annum. 10 days per year out of 10950 days. Translation: the amount of time we spend living with our parents sharply declines from a high of 90% per day, for the first 18-20 years of our lives, to a very low, measly, average of ~3% per year as we get older…that’s 5,900 days over 18 years to 10 days per year for the next 30…that’s a 95% decline in the amount of time spent with our parents.

“That’s only 22% of your lifetime spent with your inventors – please make sure it counts...”

Remember the Ze Frank video I mentioned earlier, and how your life equates to about 28,000 sweet little sugar candies? 

Well, it wasn’t far off. 

Considering the average human life expectancy is just over 70 years globally – a touch above 80 for the UK – we get between 25,550-29,200 days to relish the marvel of nature that is our life. Of these thousands and thousands of days, we will only get to spend about 6,200 days with our parents, maybe more if we’re blessed enough to have them around when we become grandparents.

That’s only 22% of your lifetime spent with your inventors – please make sure it counts...

credits

words — abhishek sharma

design — sâde popoola